Anticipation

I will be leaving Le Roy now in just three days. I can't believe this is really happening and that it's happening so soon. Up until about a week ago, none of it felt real at all. I filled out form after form and got jabbed with shot after shot but still it didn't feel like going to Africa was actually happening. It finally does; instead of seeming like a daydream, this trip feels like a real plan.

I wish I could say that my predominant feelings now are those of excitement but it's probably something more like anxiety. Wondering about so many things is hard for me. I don't like having no idea about how often I will have Internet and phone access, about what things will be hard for me, about how I will be changed. In that way, I just want to be there and have some of my questions answered. I'm also anxious at the thought of leaving though. I feel like I am leaving behind everything I have ever known. It's hard to think about all that I will be missing, especially with this semester being the first half of my senior year.

Though I am overwhelmed and anxious thinking about my trip, I am still very much looking forward to it. I can't wait to experience a different part of the world and be a part of a culture so different from my own. It is scary to let go of the comforts we experience here in the States but I want to be shaken so I can see a truer, more genuine picture of what this world is like. I also very much look forward to getting to know people in Africa and try to see the world through their eyes and experiences.

People have been asking me if I know how hard it will be to see hurting and broken people. I think I know as well as I can without actually being there. I know my heart is going to be broken in a thousand different ways for the things I will see. That's exactly what I want, though. On this trip, I am going to learn so much about what God loves and what breaks his heart. I want my heart to be broken for the same things his is broken for. I anticipate great sorrow, yes, but also great joy. What sort of joy is greater than the kind that is found in spite of hardship? That's the truest sort of joy and I hope to see it in Africa--even if only in glimpses.

There's so much for me to be looking forward to. Even though I am so anxious about leaving and some of you have heard me talking about cold feet, I do realize what an amazing opportunity this will be. It will probably be one of the hardest things ever, but it's going to be so worth it.